I never realize how interesting I am until I talk to a stranger.

The Date.
Me: So, do you engage in any hobbies other than soccer?
Him: No, that's basically my life.
Me: Oh.
Him: What television are you into?
Me: I don't have a tv.
Him: Oh.
Me: Have you read anything of merit lately?
Him: What?
Me: Who's your favorite author?
Him: I don't like to read.
Me: Oh.
What a relief my enjoyment of life has no direct correlation to my dating status; goodness! I should have played the "Did I mention I'm bisexual" card. I'll bet that would have enlivened the conversation.

Stopping by Walgreens on a Saturday Evening

Clerk: [after eyeing me with a motive I was unable to deduce and scanning my Chapstick] I had a duck come in and try to buy some of these the other day.
Me: A duck?
Clerk: Yes. I asked if he wanted to pay by cash or credit and he said just to put them on his bill.

Whatever they pay him, it’s not enough.

Dad, Psychotherapist.

Dad's analysis of me: "You're a great person to talk to. But you just make it as difficult as humanly possible for anyone to get to know you."

Boy, just when you think no one knows you at all...

Hmm, Continued.

Why do people drive in circles to find a close parking spot at the gym? You're going inside to sweat. Defeat the point, party of one?