How do you explain football then?
- M. Hedberg
Activities in which I would voluntarily participate to get out of shopping for clothes:
- Endure the entirety of a Celine Dion album.
- Subject myself to Titanic (incidentally, I respectfully request those three hours of my life back).
- Clean saddles until the glycerine irrevocably pruned my fingers.
- Clean my storage closet. (Would likely necessitate the acquisition of a Hazmat suit.)
- Implement the Dewey Decimal system for my innumerable books.
- Tackle the storage gutters of an entire suburb.
- Count the kernels in a bowl of rice.
- Scorch off my eyebrows with a Zippo lighter.
I draw the line at watching football, as that has no physical component. But golly, it's close.
A changing physique and altered circumstances necessitated the acquisition of additional strips of fabric seamed and trimmed and collectively referred to as "clothing." One benefit of my former career, I suppose - the most monumental morning contemplation amounted to "Black suit, brown suit or blue suit?" Still. Small sacrifice.
Completely missed the shopping gene - I like my money tidily esconsed in a savings account, multiplying. Plus, once you acquire additional stuff, you have just unnecessarily complicated your existence. I don't need stuff - everything I desire has no tangible personification.
When Dad and I cruised Rodeo Drive in LA he strolled in to this particularly ritzy shoe shop and dove straight for a pair that had the two salesmen tripping over themselves in adoration of his taste. (Italian Men : Shoes :: Foxes : Small Rodents. I myself have never noticed anyone's shoes unless the "one" happened to also have a mane and periodically emit a neighing sound, but I seem to defy all stereotypes.) I wandered over to one of the tasseled amalgamations of leather and stitching, staring blankly, and one of the salesmen followed: "Your father, he has excellent taste, does he not?" Actually, my thoughts had focused the entire time on why people wasted such spectacular leather on shoes when it would perfectly accentuate a saddle. But he didn't need to know that.
